I’ve been doing this a long time. Not the blogging, that’s relatively new, I mean working with grooms in the wedding industry. I’ve seen every type of groom there is from the guy who so badly doesn’t want to help with the wedding that it barely seems like he wants to be in the relationship at all to the guy who literally plans the entire wedding himself. The latter guy is crazy and I don’t expect anyone to be him (but damn do I respect him), this is about the first guy. This article is for the guy that says “I don’t care” to every question. These words are for the guy who doesn’t even know what color his suit is before he tries it on.
The Groom’s Guide doesn’t try to be a resource to wedding experts. We don’t cater to men who would ever know any of this information before reading the blog. Our guy is new to this. Why? Because he’s (usually) never been married before. He’s never been asked what color or cut of suit looks best on him. He had no idea the list of decisions to make about his wedding would be so freaking long. So why don’t you help more with the planning of your wedding? Because you don’t know what you’re talking about and it’d be better for you to step back and let her run the show, right?
Wrong. Young women do not attend a “Wedding Planning” class in between Home Ec and Cooking Class. Your bride didn’t spend her evenings prior to your engagement reading wedding planning books and learning how to be the best wife she can be. She also was not born with the instinct of the best way to arrange a seating chart. She is new to this. Two people are getting married on your wedding day and you are both beginners. You both need to learn how to make this happen. Go into this with the understanding that you are not especially bad at wedding planning just because you stand up when you pee. She has no idea what she’s doing and nothing makes a new, difficult thing harder than doing it alone.
Maybe that’s not the issue. Maybe the two of you have different views on how this wedding should be executed in the first place. You want a more simple affair and if she wants something bigger then she can plan it herself. First off, if there are two opinions and she won’t even consider yours then there are problems here that extend well beyond wedding planning that need to be addressed. While you are trying to decide how big this wedding should be there are two things that you absolutely cannot remain blind to; the first is money which no man is ever blind to. The simple fact is that weddings shouldn’t plunge people into debt and if you’re footing the bill your wedding shouldn’t exceed your wedding budget. The second thing that you can’t forget but men always do is that frankly she has been thinking about this for a great deal longer than you have. She has always had a vision (without necessarily having the knowledge of how to pull it off) of this day. She has pictured herself at the end of that aisle a thousand times and now she’s picked you to stand beside her. Give her the wedding she wants. Why? Because you’re her man and you make dreams come true for her. That’s your job and will be the rest of your life. Trust me when I say that as the two of you grow old she will do things for you that exceed this kindness by an immeasurable amount.
We’re going to talk about a few basic things you can do in a minute here but just in case you haven’t clearly gotten the picture yet we’re going to use a little analogy. A groom sitting on the sidelines during the planning process is exactly what is sounds like- a player on the team who remains inactive during the game. There aren’t a lot of 2 player sports so let’s go with beach volleyball, especially appropriate with the Rio games around the corner (go USA!). Imagine a game of beach volleyball in action, your team prepares to receive the first serve. You look to your team mate and it becomes immediately apparent that their skill far exceeds your own. Your talent and instincts for this game don’t measure up to theirs at all and likely never will. And so you sit on the sidelines. While sitting on the bench you watch your partner attempt to handle volleys on their own, scrambling across the sand in an attempt to handle a task that is difficult enough with two people. And then when it’s all done, your team wins because your partner was just that good. So you stand up in front of everyone, your partner half dead from exhaustion, and accept congratulations, handshakes and enjoy one of the best days of your life even though you did almost nothing to help your team get there. It’s possible that you think this is an exaggeration, but put yourself in her shoes for a moment and imagine doing this alone; the thought should terrify you.
You’re not good at this. Find a way to get good at this. Start here, at The Groom’s Guide, and go from there. We’re not the only resource out there.
What can you do? Click HERE and begin educating yourself. Care. Care about all of it and you will begin to understand why it matters. Insist that you pick out your own suit, or at least that you go to the tailor on your own and let them tell you what to do. Unsure about making decisions on your own? It’s a two way street, you don’t have to do anything alone. Do the research, pick out options and present them to her. 90% of the work when planning a wedding is going through the exhausting number of options. You don’t know which florist is best but you can research which top 5 have the best reviews and then ask your bride’s opinion on those 5. You don’t have to carry the same work load as her, just make sure she knows she’s not the only one on your team.
Most men want to be something bigger and better than they already are. So here’s my challenge to you: do something that most men consider impossible. Take an active role in this wedding and kick ass doing it. Do something that men always run away from and do it better than anyone would ever expect you to. Be a man that other men should aspire to be.